I am the kind of person who has many fears. My list includes spiders (actually anything with more than four legs), the deep sea, and more philosophical concepts like failure or being alone. As I have studied the current trends surrounding marriage and family, I’ve thought of another fear for my list: the fear that my children will grow up in a world where traditional families will be the exception rather than the rule.
Sadly, there was a time where I was a part of this trend. After my parents divorced, I decided that marriage simply wasn’t worth the risk. Sadly, it seems that many people feel the same way these days. They choose not to marry out of fear, out of a desire to really “live” their lives before settling down, or because they believe cohabitation is the better route. As a result, marriage rates are decreasing, along with fertility rates. At the same time, divorce rates have plateaued, but they plateaued at a pretty high spot- around 50% (State of Our Unions, 2012).
It’s something I’ve watched among loved ones and friends. For instance, my dad’s parents divorced when he (the oldest child) was fourteen. Then, my own parents divorced when I (the oldest child) was fourteen. I can still remember the cracks in the foundation of my little life that formed when my dad moved out for the last time. Just this year, I watched as a family in my ward went through the same painful process. Their children, who ranged from three to six, could barely comprehend what was happening.
As the family deteriorates, everyone is victimized, but I would like to focus on the victims who have the least amount of control: children.
Researcher Paul Amato detailed the severe emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual effects that divorce, birth out of wedlock, or living in a volatile home environment can have on children. Frankly, any negative thing you can think of, from future teen pregnancy or depression, can result from tumultuous families in childhood (2005). As the product of divorce, I can attest to the fact that a broken home often leads to children with broken hearts.
Obviously, the trends rampant in our world today are a bit scary. However, I’m not really into the idea of adding yet another fear onto my already overflowing list. This begs the question: What can I (or we) do to protect our children and help create positive changes? I think there is hope!
Spencer W. Kimball said that “only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families” (1980). I took two main things from this statement. First, preserving the family is going to take hard work and action. It won’t be easy, but it is possible. Secondly, I must deepen my belief in the sanctity and importance of the family.
In addition, there are decisions I must make now, before I get married or have children of my own. Today, right here, right now, is the time to decide that divorce will never be an option for me. This requires a reliance on Christ’s Atonement and the ability to forgive my spouse. When I choose a spouse, I need to do so prayerfully and carefully. For those who are already married, and may be struggling, follow the counsel of Dallin H Oaks. He said…
If you are already descending into the low state of marriage-in-name-only, please join hands, kneel together, and prayerfully plead for help and the healing power of the Atonement. Your humble and united pleadings will bring you closer to the Lord and to each other and will help you in the hard climb back to marital harmony.
Dallin H. Oaks (2007).
I know marriage is hard. It would seem that at times, the whole world is against us. It would be easier to give up and give in to our fears, our doubts, our pasts. However, we are beings with the ability to choose. We can choose marriage, family, and joy.
Eternity Means Forever 