My dad absolutely loves the musical Les Misérables, so listening to that soundtrack is one of my first memories. I remember that as a little girl, my favorite song was “Castle on a Cloud”. In this song, a little orphan girl sings about her dream of escaping her dreary life and finding refuge in (you guessed it) a castle on a cloud. However, my castle on a cloud looked a little different from Cosette’s. I dreamed of a castle full of children and my imaginary husband named Dane (if you were wondering, he stuck around until I was about five and then skipped town).
These days, I’ve come to realize that building a castle takes quite a bit of work. To extend that metaphor a bit, marriages can’t be built or maintained on a foundation of thin air. No quote better encapsulates this principle than this statement made by C.S. Lewis.
Marriages require a steady flow of support from the heavens to weather the storms of life. However, God can’t reside in a house or even a castle where the inhabitants aren’t willing to put in the work as well. Through some research and study of my own, I have compiled a brief list of important principles for couples to incorporate into their marriage.
- Prayer: President Henry B. Eyring said that we should “pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion’s joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion” (2009). Although I have not yet been married, I have felt the healing power that comes when I pray for those I love. Often, anger or resentment melts away when I choose to earnestly pray for their welfare. I can only imagine the strength that will come into a marriage if both spouses are praying for one another.
- Positivity: Look for the good in one another. Neither person is going to be perfect, so if we look for flaws, we will find them. However, if we train ourselves to look for the good, soon that will be our focus. As President Gordon B. Hinckley once said, “I know of no more effective way for a woman to keep ever radiant the love for her husband than for her to look for and emphasize the godly qualities that are a part of every son of our Father and that can be evoked when there is respect and admiration and encouragement” (p. 24). If followed, this counsel will help nourish the relationship.
- Knowledge: John Gottman talks extensively in his book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work, about the importance of expanding our love maps. This means increasing our knowledge about our spouse. Throughout the marriage, we continue to learn about them. I have watched this principle work its magic firsthand through my dad and step-mom. From the beginning of their marriage, they made a priority of spending quality time together where they could learn about each other. Every Saturday for the last 4 and a half years, they have gone on a date. They have one of the happiest marriages I have seen, and I think their love maps play a role in that.
As I write these posts each week, I often think to myself that perhaps I am not the most qualified individual to be dishing out marriage advice. I have not yet been married, and my own parent’s marriage wasn’t exactly a great success. My castle on a cloud seems to be drifting farther away as the winds of life blow. Perhaps your life hasn’t quite turned out the way you planned either.
I don’t have all the answers to life’s problems, but I can say this. I know that your castle on a cloud matters very much to your Heavenly Father. Whether you believe in Him or not, He believes in you. I know that if you will strive to incorporate these principles into your life in the way you see fit, you will receive blessings from above. He knows you. He loves you. He will not withhold blessings from you that you righteously desire. So keep building your castle, brick by brick, and someday, you will see the benefits of your labor.
Eternity Means Forever 