W11: Intimacy

Once upon a time, a beautiful young couple walked out of the doors of the temple. Their faces glowed as they shared their first kiss as a married couple. It seemed that eternal happiness was within their grasp. Together, they could face anything. Yet, as the days and months and years passed, they began to drift apart. He felt she had impossible expectations; she thought he was lazy, unmotivated, and selfish.

Eventually, he began to seek out comfort from worldly sources. At first, it seemed harmless- a couple glances at an inappropriate image or the occasional R-rated movie. However, it began to escalate to hours of watching pornography, visits to adult bookstores, and an emotional affair with a woman from work. For years, he hid his infidelity but the time came that he could no longer hide his addiction. The couple tried to hold their marriage together, but after a few years of painful separation, they divorced. Their “happily ever after” was lost.

I’ve often dreamed of a fairytale wedding, but I sometimes forget about the eternity that follows. Sadly, stories like the one I described above are all too common these days. Whether affairs are emotional, physical, or a combination of the two, any kind of unfaithfulness in marriage leads to deep wounds. In addition, easy access to pornography has also contributed to many separations and divorces.

President Spencer W. Kimball said “The Lord says in no uncertain terms: “Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shalt cleave unto her and none else” (D&C 42:22).And, when the Lord says all thy heart, it allows for no sharing nor dividing nor depriving. . . The words none else eliminate everyone and everything.”

Sometimes, I worry about marriage for this very reason. What if I fall for someone else? What if my spouse is unfaithful? How do I protect my marriage from the evils of pornography? The promises we make at marriage are so sacred, and it is terrifying to imagine breaking those promises.

I find comfort in the idea of SPIRITUAL FIDELITY. According to Kenneth W. Matheson, we must “recognize the eternal potential of our marital relationships as well as the importance of acting in accordance with the promptings of the Holy Ghost [and] . . . consider the sacred covenants we have made in the temple and how the very nature of our thoughts and deeds can undermine those covenants.” I believe that if we keep a focus on the covenants we make at marriage, emotional infidelity will never become an issue. Our covenants can continue to draw us closer to our spouse throughout our lives. The couple I discussed at the beginning began to falter because they forgot their covenants to each other.

It is also important to remember that sex is an essential part of a healthy marriage. Although affairs destroy marriages, sex between man and wife can bring them closer together, as well as foster love and affection. Although each individual may have different needs and desires when it comes to sex, they can learn to sacrifice for each other. As they do so, they become unified as a couple. They take part in a “sexual guardianship” according to Brent Barlow. They protect each other’s hearts.

Each of us has a wonderful gift called agency. We can make choices every day of our lives. One of the most important choices we make is who we marry. However, each day, we must continually make another important choice: to love our spouse above anyone else. If we do this, we will stay faithful to our spouse and feel love beyond our current comprehension.